A word (or 600) for the guys

This is inspired by a conversation on twitter that I followed from a distance.

Most people will remember the movie ‘Coming to America’ where Akeem, the future king of Zamunda (not the club), went to America to find a wife. Even though he came from a privileged background, he opted to go as a regular person, to meet someone who would love him for who he is, not because of what he had. He eventually found that person, only for her to discover later that he was royalty. They eventually rode off into the sunset (predictably).

There is a lesson here though. Many guys who are successful (or are on the way to achieving it) complain that they can’t find good girls to date and eventually marry because most are after the money. This is not the full story. There are as many girls who are not after material possessions as those who are. First, let’s just get something out of the way: it’s very natural for a female to want comfort. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. Indeed, many guys won’t mind spending freely on their women; after all, what is the money for? However, we see more & more women go after the good things of life on their own, without waiting for a guy. The ambition and the hustle some ladies show is refreshing.

As a result, my experience is that fewer women would date a guy if money is largely what he has to offer. Guys have a big role to play in how they are perceived by ladies, and that is what I want to focus on. Akeem won Lisa because of his personality. He didn’t try to buy her love or flaunt his social status. Just like we say females who make their bodies the focus are shallow, so also men who make their wallets their main selling point should be considered shallow as well. If a guy flaunts his wealth to get girls and attracts gold diggers in the process, he really can’t have any complaints. Even if he meets a ‘good girl’, she might consider him too puffed up and move on, leaving him to the sharks. For example, why would you meet a girl for the first time and begin to tell her about your rich background, how much is on your credit card, or other such details? If you go to a club (or anywhere else, for that matter) and spend a lot of money, who do you think you will attract? Miss Independent? Or the kind of woman talked about in track 4 of ‘Late Registration’?

I think we guys need to be more like Akeem’s character. Play down your money (or lack of it) and just be you. Let your personality do the talking. Be interesting, engaging, (add more adjectives here) know what you want out of life and work towards it. Women admire certainty & focus in men (the ones I’ve met anyway). It makes them feel safe, like they can trust themselves to you. The best girls around are more interested in a guy’s personality, his vision, whether he is ambitious or not, and of course whether he loves her, rather than the obsession with his pocket. Contrary to popular belief, they are not scarce. Just ensure that when you meet someone like that, you play for keeps.

On a final note, the above may not apply to you if you are not interested in a serious relationship. Feel free to disregard.